When “Masking” Becomes Exhausting: The Hidden Toll of Social Camouflage in ADHD & Autism

We often talk about symptoms—attention struggles, sensory sensitivities, social differences—but one experience voices seldom hear is the weight of masking. Masking (also called camouflaging) refers to the ways people on the autism spectrum or with ADHD hide, suppress, or alter their behavior to “fit in” socially. Over time, that effort can wear you down—in ways that don’t always show up on a psychological test.

Why Do People Mask?

Masking emerges from a desire to belong, avoid conflict, or prevent judgment. For example:

• Smiling or nodding even when you don’t understand a joke

• Rehearsing responses before entering small-talk conversations

• Mimicking nonverbal cues or suppressing fidgeting

• Overcompensating by being overly attentive, overly social, or overly helpful

In many cases, masking is adaptive—especially in early life, when social feedback (from peers, teachers, family) teaches us that “being different” incurs penalties.

The Hidden Cost: Exhaustion, Identity, and Anxiety

Masking may help with day-to-day social survival, but it’s not without consequences:

• Emotional fatigue: Constantly monitoring behavior is draining. Many report feeling like they’re “always on.”

• A disconnect between inner and outer self: Some describe the feeling of being behind a shield—always guarded, never truly seen.

• Delayed recognition and late diagnoses: Because masking conceals traits, many don’t receive diagnoses until adulthood, which means many years of managing without proper support.

• Anxiety, self-doubt, and depression: When masking isn’t sustainable, the strain can trigger emotional distress.

Masking in ADHD + Autism: A Double Layer

When ADHD and autism co-occur, masking might become multi-layered. For instance:

• An individual might suppress hyperactivity or fidgeting, while also mimicking social scripts to “pass” socially.

• Social awkwardness might already be exhausting; layer on the effort of suppressing internal impulses, and the mental load becomes even greater.

• Because both conditions can affect executive functioning and emotional regulation, the energy required to mask is steeper—and more likely to backfire.

Recognizing Your Mask

Here are some signs that you may be masking:

1. You feel emotionally drained after social interactions—even if they “look” normal.

2. You rehearse conversations or small talk beforehand.

3. You find it easier to be yourself in safe spaces (with certain people or when alone).

4. You often feel like you’re “pretending” or “performing.”

5. You have difficulty recalling your authentic reactions or needs later—because you were focused on controlling or suppressing them.

How to Ease the Weight of Masking

Masking might feel like a survival mechanism, so complete removal isn’t realistic (or even desirable) all at once. But there are ways to ease its burden:

• Create safe zonesCultivate relationships, environments, or institutions (therapy, support groups) where you don’t feel the pressure to mask. Practice being “you” in these places.

• Experiment with small unmaskingTry gradually reducing masking in lower-stakes settings (e.g. with a trusted friend). Notice how it feels.

• Reflect & name your experienceJournaling about when and why you mask can help you externalize it, make sense of it, and reduce its power.

• Self-compassion over performanceRemind yourself: masking was adaptive. But now you have the right to shift toward more authenticity, at your own pace.

• Seek support in diagnosis and therapyA good evaluation at a practice like Kido can help validate your experiences and offer ways forward. Therapy can also explore identity, boundaries, and self-acceptance.

Why This Matters

Masking is more than a behavior—it’s a lived experience. Understanding it changes how we interpret symptoms, how we approach diagnosis, and how we design therapeutic support. It’s not enough to “treat” focus or social skills alone; we must also care for the person behind the mask.

At Kido Psychological Services, P.S., we see beyond what’s visible. If you suspect you’ve been masking—if you’re tired, confused, or questioning your experience—you don’t have to do it alone. Evaluations, therapy, and genuine validation are all possible. You deserve support that honors your whole self.